Category: Anxiety

Mapping mental health 
Anxiety · depression

Mapping mental health 

luthienthegreen14 Comments

There are so many questions in my head at the moment. What sustains my depression? Can you ever completely get rid of anorexia? What is it all really about? Is my depression all due to circumstance or is it something I’ll always have? Why am I so tired all the time? Why have I become more so recently?

I have drawn a map of how I have been today and over the last few days, not taking the anorexia into account since that is fairly consistent. 

By ‘normal’ I mean what most non mentally ill people would consider normal. I have found this exercise really useful and was wondering if anyone else has tried it/ would like to share something similar. I think it would be interesting to compare.

Does anyone recognise this pattern in themselves/how is yours different?

Halloween anxiety
Anxiety

Halloween anxiety

luthienthegreen28 Comments

It’s Halloween today and it’s made me very anxious every year since I became ill. I’m not against it, I really enjoied it when I was younger, but now things are different. We get older teenagers coming round who are sometimes not the nicest. Last year my Mum put up a friendly sign saying we weren’t doing it this year, as she knew I was struggling and there aren’t really many little children in our neighbourhood anymore. Also we just couldn’t manage; the result was that we got eggs thrown at our window. This year we forgot about Halloween and we don’t want more eggs, so we don’t know what to do and I am not having a good day… 


Since I have a panic reaction to any noise in the night, and they often come trick or treating late, it’s going to be a long evening. I think Halloween is great for kids and can be fun if you aren’t very anxious/ill. People can’t know of course, but I do wish they would refrain from throwing eggs.

Do you get anxious when people knock on your door?

Going out vs staying in 
Anxiety

Going out vs staying in 

luthienthegreen25 Comments

So you’re not in a job/studying  because you’re unwell. Do you stay at home all day or go out? 

While I find plenty of things to do at home (art, blogging, etc.), I always feel guilty if I don’t go out all day.  A little voice in my head says I haven’t done anything if I haven’t been out. Sometimes I also feel very restless. 


Going out is just as bad though. Firstly, there are all sorts of people I know/knew who I am totally paranoid I might walk into. People from the past I am not  ready to remember. Then there is the fact that I feel like I’m in a dream as soon as I’m in a large space with people. As though I’m not really there or the surroundings aren’t real; like in a dream. I don’t know what to do with my body. I feel much more present when I’m at home.


How do you balance going out and staying in?

3 Things that often make mentally ill people anxious 
Anxiety

3 Things that often make mentally ill people anxious 

luthienthegreen16 Comments

1. dirt etc.

This one has become especially bad for me since my eating disorder started. Any spilt food etc. totally freaks me, and it has extended to other things. I think if we are anxious about other things in life, the anxiety often spreads irrationally. I know ‘a bit of dirt doesn’t kill you’ but somehow the panic reaction occurs anyway.

2. Unexpected changes in our environment 


I want things, especially in my room, to be a certain way. That’s not to say I’m not open to change, but unexpected change in familiar ‘safe places’ can be hard to deal with. Anyone else experienced this, or is it just me?

3. Noises in the night


Sudden sounds in the nighttime can cause an immediate panic attack and trigger bad memories (not including burglars, but they often also cause irrational thoughts of danger to surface.)

I think what ties these things together is the unexpected. When we are already struggling so much with everyday life, or have in the past, small insignificant things can destabilise us completely.

What everyday things make you anxious?


Bad dreams in the night 
Anxiety · depression

Bad dreams in the night 

luthienthegreen54 Comments

I hope for anyone reading this that you can’t relate to it 😔 and that if you can it isn’t triggering. I think it can help to talk about these things so do comment below.

Have you ever had a bad dream that has influenced how you have felt for the whole rest of the day? 

Sometimes I wake up after a flashback dream and feel unsafe for ages, even though I know it was just a nightmare. 

It doesn’t make a difference that I am actually in a safe place and that the scenes occurred more than a year ago. Sometimes it feels as though the memories are sitting on my chest, making it harder to breathe.

In some ways, good dreams of things that are gone or will never happen can feel even worse. You awake feeling happy for once, until it hits you that it wasn’t real. The sense of loss can be immense…

It can overshadow everything else.

Extreme anxiety
Anxiety

Extreme anxiety

luthienthegreen25 Comments

I Have been feeling extremely anxious lately. I’m supposed to be taking time off and resting but it still feels like there are millions of things I should be doing that I’m not managing. Everything overwhelms me. 

Going out; staying in. 

Writing a post; not writing a post.

Checking my email; ignoring it for more than an hour.

Even tiny things seem hugely important. I get very anxious about cleanliness. If a car come up behind me in the road I feel like screaming to everyone to save themselves. I jump at everything.


Night times are bad, but mealtimes are worse. Food makes me panic. 


Humour is the only way through it.

Anyone else feeling anxious or able to relate? Let me know.

Getting people to understand you have more than one illness
Anxiety · depression · eating disorders

Getting people to understand you have more than one illness

luthienthegreen3 Comments

Having one mental or physical illness can be difficult. Having several is worse. In a way you are more able to deal with it because you have already gained experience of being ill and all the complications that come with it…but people who can’t get their head around you having one problem often won’t take the time to understand several. 

They may think it can’t be possible that you have all these conditions. Unfortunately, if you already have low self esteem, this can be very upsetting. Some mental illnesses can already make it hard for you to realise you are unwell at all.


That little voice in your head is already saying you’re making a fuss about nothing or that it’s all down to your failing.

I think it’s so important that, as a society, we start accepting that not everyone has the same life circumstances. Some may get ill once or never, some are always ill or for a long time. Some have a mixture of mental and physical illnesses, and we don’t have to understand it all, but we can stop denying it is real. We can stop making others feel inferior because of circumstance outside their control.

I’d be happy to know you thoughts on this!

Complex Illness and multiple diagnoses
Anxiety · depression · eating disorders

Complex Illness and multiple diagnoses

luthienthegreen17 Comments

When I was seen by the local mental health services, the thing which threw them most was the fact that I clearly had more than one problem at once. They could not get around diagnosing me with major depression and an anxiety disorder. They also knew I was anorexic but I later found out they hadn’t diagnosed it. I was refed and then told I could not be anorexic since my BMI was too high. Unfortunately my mindset hadn’t changed and I eventually went backwards until I got the diagnoses. They also laughed when I said a counsellor had suggested I had ptsd since they felt it wasn’t bad enough without even knowing the situation.

I don’t want several mental health diagnoses but, especially in the case of eating disorders, I do feel that having them called by their name helps you to see them for what they are. Following my post: ptsd-ish, I got some very kind responses in the comments for which I am very grateful.   They helped me to realise what I am going through isn’t normal, but that I am not the only one either.

People say you shouldn’t want a label because you aren’t your illness(es), but this is precisely why I think it can really matter to people. It separates the normal you from your illness. It helps you accept that it’s not all your fault and that you aren’t making it up. Sometimes it may even aid recovery.


I was given the impression that I was just wanting labels for more problems than I had. That I had no right to them because I was in some way not good enough; but I’d give anything not even to know what these things are. I think it was partly because the health service couldn’t cope with complex needs. They wanted me to fit in a box. 

But who does really?

Has anyone experienced really good support for more than one physical/mental illness? Have you ever been misdiagnosed and how has it affected you?

Sleeping habits when mentally ill
Anxiety

Sleeping habits when mentally ill

luthienthegreen16 Comments

I have often found lately that I am desperate to go to bed way too early, but that my body then starts up again, around 8:30pm or so. I start feeling incredibly anxious, plannng huge projects only to be overwhelmed by them. I also sometimes go into a state of really deep depression because I feel like I’ve achieved nothing all day, regardless of what I have actually done. 

I tend to try to go to bed at a sensible time, so as not to ruin my sleeping patterns entirely. With a racing heart and hyperventilation it can be really difficult to drop off though.

At 5pm it feels as though you have weights attached to your body or are living in a dream. Then, when it’s bedtime, you can’t sleep, start feeling guilty at ‘not having done enough’, and want to do lots of stuff. 

Has anyone else experienced this?

Guest Post on Mental Illness|| Living with Anorexia, Depression and Anxiety as a Young Person
Anxiety · depression · eating disorders

Guest Post on Mental Illness|| Living with Anorexia, Depression and Anxiety as a Young Person

luthienthegreen1 Comment

My guest post on camilleareaeds. Take a look if you like 😊

Camillea Reads

When we talk about mental illness, there’s already a picture in our head of what we think it looks like. We always see the after picture of it, when really we should try to understand how it begins. To be able to know how it starts gives us a chance to point out patterns that can help when it comes to therapy or simple self care.
Today’s contribution for my Mental Health Mini series comes from Luthienthegreen. They’re sharing their story with us about the effects of Depression and Anxiety; how it affects their life and how their life, in turn, affects their mental illness.
Set of dividers in nature design. Vector illustration.
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I first started experiencing serious anxiety problems in the year of my GCSEs. I was performing well, and more and more people were expecting results from me. I played the piano and had to give performances. All this was fine until everything started to…

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