Going out vs staying in 
Anxiety

Going out vs staying in 

luthienthegreen25 Comments

So you’re not in a job/studying  because you’re unwell. Do you stay at home all day or go out? 

While I find plenty of things to do at home (art, blogging, etc.), I always feel guilty if I don’t go out all day.  A little voice in my head says I haven’t done anything if I haven’t been out. Sometimes I also feel very restless. 


Going out is just as bad though. Firstly, there are all sorts of people I know/knew who I am totally paranoid I might walk into. People from the past I am not  ready to remember. Then there is the fact that I feel like I’m in a dream as soon as I’m in a large space with people. As though I’m not really there or the surroundings aren’t real; like in a dream. I don’t know what to do with my body. I feel much more present when I’m at home.


How do you balance going out and staying in?

3 Things that often make mentally ill people anxious 
Anxiety

3 Things that often make mentally ill people anxious 

luthienthegreen16 Comments

1. dirt etc.

This one has become especially bad for me since my eating disorder started. Any spilt food etc. totally freaks me, and it has extended to other things. I think if we are anxious about other things in life, the anxiety often spreads irrationally. I know ‘a bit of dirt doesn’t kill you’ but somehow the panic reaction occurs anyway.

2. Unexpected changes in our environment 


I want things, especially in my room, to be a certain way. That’s not to say I’m not open to change, but unexpected change in familiar ‘safe places’ can be hard to deal with. Anyone else experienced this, or is it just me?

3. Noises in the night


Sudden sounds in the nighttime can cause an immediate panic attack and trigger bad memories (not including burglars, but they often also cause irrational thoughts of danger to surface.)

I think what ties these things together is the unexpected. When we are already struggling so much with everyday life, or have in the past, small insignificant things can destabilise us completely.

What everyday things make you anxious?


What does the experience of mental illness give us?
depression

What does the experience of mental illness give us?

luthienthegreen30 Comments

Today I’d like to share something with you that indirectly arose from a message conversation with Sue from myloudbipolarwhispers. She wrote a post ’Be great at what you do and better at what you don’t do’ which I found really inspiring. It made me think…

‘The gaps in what we do leave a space for others to come in.’

But how does this relate to mental illness? Well, I think anyone who has been depressed, experience trauma or lived with any serious illness would agree it leaves scars. It often leaves holes we can’t fill. 

But it also opens our eyes to something. Suddenly, we feel for that homeless person we pass, we don’t ignore somebody else’s cry for help. We don’t think it’s weak or funny when someone cries, just because they’re a man or we think they’re too old to be emotional in public. 

I’m not suggesting most people would anyway, but you suddenly become much more aware of others’ troubles and experience a huge increase in empathy and understanding.

 

Maybe those scars will never heal and we can’t fill the gaps. But that is when we see that the space was sorely needed. So many people just need someone, anyone to support them and give them a place in their heart, even a small one, because they have no help. Illness and pain means that that space is there for them: because who can turn another away after being so wretched themselves?

So illness gives us the opportunity to see what it really there, and help others in distress.


I’m not sure if this makes any sense, but it’s the only sense I can make of long term illness as a Christian. I’m even less sure I can put it into practise; one can only try.

Any thoughts on this? 

Do share this post if you agree 😊

« The gaps in us leave a space for others to come in. »

    -Luthienthegreen 

Depression and the weather
depression

Depression and the weather

luthienthegreen16 Comments

I don’t have seasonal affected disorder, but who doesn’t like a bit of sun? Today it has been quite grey outside where I am, and it has been worse inside. I don’t think the weather controls my mood (or vice versa obviously 😂) but it can cause me to ruminate more. It also triggers memories of this time last year which  do not want to remember.

Other than that, I sort of like the weather to reflect how I feel and have found the past few summers very difficult like that. Others are happy because there is constant sunshine and, if you are in a deep bout of depression, this only makes things harder. You feel guilty because you  ‘should cheer up’ but can’t. You want to hide away even more.


How does the weather affect your mood, if at all? Do you have SAD? I’d be happy to hear from anyone 😊

Bad dreams in the night 
Anxiety · depression

Bad dreams in the night 

luthienthegreen54 Comments

I hope for anyone reading this that you can’t relate to it 😔 and that if you can it isn’t triggering. I think it can help to talk about these things so do comment below.

Have you ever had a bad dream that has influenced how you have felt for the whole rest of the day? 

Sometimes I wake up after a flashback dream and feel unsafe for ages, even though I know it was just a nightmare. 

It doesn’t make a difference that I am actually in a safe place and that the scenes occurred more than a year ago. Sometimes it feels as though the memories are sitting on my chest, making it harder to breathe.

In some ways, good dreams of things that are gone or will never happen can feel even worse. You awake feeling happy for once, until it hits you that it wasn’t real. The sense of loss can be immense…

It can overshadow everything else.

Extreme anxiety
Anxiety

Extreme anxiety

luthienthegreen25 Comments

I Have been feeling extremely anxious lately. I’m supposed to be taking time off and resting but it still feels like there are millions of things I should be doing that I’m not managing. Everything overwhelms me. 

Going out; staying in. 

Writing a post; not writing a post.

Checking my email; ignoring it for more than an hour.

Even tiny things seem hugely important. I get very anxious about cleanliness. If a car come up behind me in the road I feel like screaming to everyone to save themselves. I jump at everything.


Night times are bad, but mealtimes are worse. Food makes me panic. 


Humour is the only way through it.

Anyone else feeling anxious or able to relate? Let me know.

Getting people to understand you have more than one illness
Anxiety · depression · eating disorders

Getting people to understand you have more than one illness

luthienthegreen3 Comments

Having one mental or physical illness can be difficult. Having several is worse. In a way you are more able to deal with it because you have already gained experience of being ill and all the complications that come with it…but people who can’t get their head around you having one problem often won’t take the time to understand several. 

They may think it can’t be possible that you have all these conditions. Unfortunately, if you already have low self esteem, this can be very upsetting. Some mental illnesses can already make it hard for you to realise you are unwell at all.


That little voice in your head is already saying you’re making a fuss about nothing or that it’s all down to your failing.

I think it’s so important that, as a society, we start accepting that not everyone has the same life circumstances. Some may get ill once or never, some are always ill or for a long time. Some have a mixture of mental and physical illnesses, and we don’t have to understand it all, but we can stop denying it is real. We can stop making others feel inferior because of circumstance outside their control.

I’d be happy to know you thoughts on this!

Complex Illness and multiple diagnoses
Anxiety · depression · eating disorders

Complex Illness and multiple diagnoses

luthienthegreen17 Comments

When I was seen by the local mental health services, the thing which threw them most was the fact that I clearly had more than one problem at once. They could not get around diagnosing me with major depression and an anxiety disorder. They also knew I was anorexic but I later found out they hadn’t diagnosed it. I was refed and then told I could not be anorexic since my BMI was too high. Unfortunately my mindset hadn’t changed and I eventually went backwards until I got the diagnoses. They also laughed when I said a counsellor had suggested I had ptsd since they felt it wasn’t bad enough without even knowing the situation.

I don’t want several mental health diagnoses but, especially in the case of eating disorders, I do feel that having them called by their name helps you to see them for what they are. Following my post: ptsd-ish, I got some very kind responses in the comments for which I am very grateful.   They helped me to realise what I am going through isn’t normal, but that I am not the only one either.

People say you shouldn’t want a label because you aren’t your illness(es), but this is precisely why I think it can really matter to people. It separates the normal you from your illness. It helps you accept that it’s not all your fault and that you aren’t making it up. Sometimes it may even aid recovery.


I was given the impression that I was just wanting labels for more problems than I had. That I had no right to them because I was in some way not good enough; but I’d give anything not even to know what these things are. I think it was partly because the health service couldn’t cope with complex needs. They wanted me to fit in a box. 

But who does really?

Has anyone experienced really good support for more than one physical/mental illness? Have you ever been misdiagnosed and how has it affected you?

Doodling for mental health
Sadie · Uncategorized

Doodling for mental health

luthienthegreen27 Comments

I haven’t managed to put together a post with my usual drawings today, so thought I would share some of my doodles with you.

Sometimes I find it helpful and necessary to go into how my mental illness makes me feel, and to analyse it. I like drawing cartoons about it to help express my thoughts and feelings.

On other days I just want to get away from it all and ignore it. That’s when I find drawing something totally pointless really useful. It’s a distraction, but not one that needs to produce massive results. Being a perfectionist means I generally struggle to do things without having a particular goal in mind, but actually that is often when the most creativity occurs.

Here are some of my doodles:


I often doodle in my bullet journal. You can find a link to some bullet journal ideas from my other blog Here

Thanks for reading!

 

PTSD ish
depression · Uncategorized

PTSD ish

luthienthegreen62 Comments


I guess what I have doesn’t really qualify as ptsd, since the flashbacks and nightmares I get are related to times when I was specially suicidal, alone and without help, rather than a separate life event. 

Being left in that state, self harming and incredibly distressed, for hours, wishing someone, just anyone would come, has left scars both inside and out. 

I’m not saying it’s equivalent to experiences people with real ptsd have, but feeling so isolated and believing that it’s what I deserve because I’m worthless and have no right to help, has left me with similar symptoms. It’s not really something I am even ready to describe.

Especially at night, I often feel as though it’s happening now. Suddenly, everything seems overwhelming and I feel scared and incredibly vulnerable. I wrote a poem about it which you can find it Here.  It doesn’t really cover it though. 

Do you get flashbacks to periods of your illness when you felt especially isolated and helpless?